Childfree, no kids, single

Childfree by Choice

wisdom: childfree


This past Sunday I had the pleasure of attending what we call our “LA Lady Brunch”.   Truth be told, the first LA Lady Brunch is where I was encouraged to start this blog.  In attendance were seven childfree independent 40-ish women. All of us childfree by choice.  We were a mix of four bachelorettes, two divorcees, and one of us married. The conversation drifted to the fact that we are a forgotten demographic in pop culture and in society in general. You have shows about the single Mom and shows about single millennials looking for love, but where’s the Mary Tyler Moore of 2018?  We had Sex and the City, but they all ended up paired off and Charlotte and Miranda had kids. Plus I don’t think any of them made it to forty before the show was canceled.

The Childfree don’t hate children

Living in a large metropolitan city pretty much all of my female friends are childfree by choice.  I guess you really do find your tribe. One of my best friends has children but she never really wanted kids. Even she knows that she would be just as happy if she didn’t have children.  While she loves her children she confessed she hates being a parent.  And she has a nanny helping her!  Study after scientific study have concluded that having children does not increase your happiness.  It does however increase your stress.

I do have one other friend that was dying to have a child and even while dating planned on being a single parent if she had to.  “I can do this by myself I just need your sperm.” She had a child and she’s your stereotypical obsessed mother who completely cannot understand hating being a parent.  She probably doesn’t understand being childfree either.

We were talking at brunch about the many reasons we choose not to have children.   “Just because I don’t want children doesn’t mean I hate them. I think people assume you do hate kids and are a bad person.  I love my nieces and nephews to death but I can give them back.”

The married brunch lady has a career where she does a lot of traveling and feels she wouldn’t be able to do that if they had children.  “We don’t even have time for a dog” she added.

Self Fulfillment

Also the world has changed.  Women now have their own lives and their own careers. In almost 40% of American households the women earn more than the men.  If you’re a working woman who loves your job then you don’t necessarily want to take the time off to be a parent. You are fulfilling your own life without bringing someone else into it.

I think it is a more responsible choice to decide to be child free then to just have kids and not have made the specific choice with your partner to have children.  We are all free to do what we want to do. If you prefer to travel and see the world rather than have children, that’s perfectly fine and perfectly OK. You sure will be saving a heck of a lot of money and stress and also be helping to save the planet.

Speaking for myself, I just knew from a very young age I didn’t want kids.  I’m still single and when I do go looking for a partner I’m obviously going to want a partner who doesn’t expect me to have children.  Now that I’m older chances are that I will be marrying someone who is divorced and somebody else had their kids. This whole thing of me not finding someone in my twenties or thirties might end up being the best thing that ever happened!

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